You seem to have a pretty good overall view of some of the pitfalls. That's a good starting point.
I think for right now, you need to focus on being the most authentic, positive version of YOU you can be. Keep eating healthy, and I"m glad you're dressing nice. Do some stuff you like to do - you don't need to completely give up all of your hobbies. But keep them in check so that your son always comes first.
You say that you have stopped all pressure/pursuit and you very well may have. This is good. But keep posting, because sometimes pursuit shows up in subtle ways, and folks here will be able to assist you in seeing patterns or seeing if you're making your W feel overwhelmed.
I think validation will be especially important in your situation. Your W feels unwanted, unloved, and I suspect she has felt so for a long time. You need to show her you are listening. Not trying to fix thing, not trying to swoop in and save the day. just HEARING her as a person. Please study-up on Validation (there is a thread).
