Yorkie - Yes, there is definitely something in the air. It isn't dropping the rope exactly, not in the same way DV and you have anyway. It is more subtle and incremental in nature. A quieter acceptance.
Honestly, I thought his reaction was going to be worse than trying to exclude me from dinner. I think he knows my request are reasonable and was probably just hoping I'd be too scared to ask. I'd never thought about it before, but punishment is actually what he tries to do. But he left, and the "things" he has to punish me with are becoming few and far between. He has left, he has told me he is not coming back. What else is there?
Despite the above, our interactions have been friendly. It is freeier and less weighted. It flows. There are still awkward moments (like last night when I said I had plans for Saturday night and couldn't swap - you could feel the sudden drop in temperature) and there are still some no-go topics (anything which might lead to an R conversation) but, strangely, I feel we are in a much better place today (friend wise) than we were two years ago (which is when I think this all actually started). When he came over last night, I asked him if he'd like to join us and we sat and had a (mostly) awkward free conversation.
************** Journalling
H's dad had a heart attack this morning. The kids are on holidays and H and I (and the nanny) are juggling the child care between us. Today, he came over at 8 this morning to watch the kids until the nanny arrives. When I got to work my phone started ringing and it was H. He always texts so I was a little taken aback and answered immediately. He told me his dad had had a heart attach whilst driving and had been rushed to hospital. He wanted me to ask the nanny to come early so he could go be with his dad. Unfortunately the nanny has another job in the morning but I offered to come home and watch the girls. I said D12 could watch D9 until I got back (about an hour). He said it was alright and he would get D12 to watch D9 until the nanny arrived.
When we got off the phone I wondered if it would be appropriate to text him and if I did, what would be the appropriate thing to say. I landed at "Hi - I hope it's all OK. Give your dad my love. Let me know if there is anything you need".
He said thanks and will do and then sent a couple of updates during the day. He asked if it would be Ok to come see the girls on his way home, and I said of course. He could stay for dinner if he wanted and even offered to make myself scarce. The girls are a great comfort to me when I am feeling down (I know, not their responsibility, but they don't need to do anything, I just like being around them).
He ended up not coming over as it was late by the time he left the hospital but he called and we spoke for a bit. Mostly about his dad. Depending on how his dad is he might not be able to have the girls this weekend. I said of course, it wasn't a problem and that I'd offer any support I could.
Hopefully that came across as sympathy and not pursuit. It wasn't intended as pursuit. He was the man I shared my life with for 16 years. I still want him to know I care.
