I was the one to ask my H to leave. I was the one to trigger his BD (in fact he was shocked that I was so unhappy). At the time he said all the right things (we're worth fixing, I still love you) but his actions said something different. He gaslighted. He raged. He disappeared for days. He wasn't completely at fault. I was needy and insecure and every time he looked at me I reminded him of the pain he was causing.
The thing is, even if I hadn't triggered BD, it would have happened anyway. I just brought the timeline forward. He had been depressed for months and his resentment had been building for years. I wasn't depressed but I too carried around a basket of resentment. Resentment is a poison that eats you up from the inside.
The man he was then is not the man he is now. The fog (whilst not gone) is lifting. The woman I am now is not the woman I was then. I am metaphorically lighter than I was. This doesn't mean we will R. But it bodes well for our futures - whether that be as a couple or as two individuals. Time did that.
Your H and you both have to get to calmer seas before otherwise you will be constantly fighting to keep your head above the water. And that is exhausting for both of you.
