Re: A familiar story with questions TEN

[RR17]

Okay, here we go.

Did she tell you at the moment you gave her a non-sexual touch that she did not want you touching her at all? Was it the same day she rejected you sexually?

No, not the same day. No, she may have flinched because she didn't expect it, but she only said these things when I brought them up later. Her MO is never to complain but to expect me to know how it made her feel.

If she reacts whenever you barely touch her like you'd touch your grandmother.......she's got some serious issues. How does she react if someone other than you gives a non-sexual touch? That might shed some light, at least knowing if it's just you she doesn't want encounter any physical contact.

Lol, I act like a grandmother when I am barely touched. As described in past threads neither one of us were touchy-feely people. Put us together and it compounds. Do we ever hug in none sexual situations? Sure, but it is never unexpected.
How does she respond when other people touch her? I've never really paid attention. I don't think she is often in that type of situation.
It was only after all this garbage that I realized that I needed to change and that incorporating none sexual touch was something missing. She tried to hold hands early in our courtship some 20+ years ago and I wasn't very receptive. She has used this and reminded me, when I discussed physical affection.

Should you try again? I'd still like to hear what you tried, how much/often, etc. It just seems a little odd that the two of you can enjoy each other's company so much, and yet she wants to keep you at an arm's length. You can't think of any emotional need she has that isn't being met? I can't remember if you said she's ever taken that test to determine her love language. Know the one I'm talking about? Words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, or works of appreciation. We all express and receive love in different ways.

Seems odd to me too. That's why I brought it here. Not to get too phycological, but I believe that she is using sex as some sort of "hold back". As if it is a way to somehow control the relationship. Remember I shared that at times she said that she believed that I only wanted her for sex. I do believe that she may have unhealthy beliefs regarding sex. She also said when I was rejected that when we had it, that all she got out of it was an orgasm. Apparently, that is not reason enough.
Years ago we did the whole Love Language thing. Initially, she couldn't answer the questions and only after I kind of walked her through how she seemed to like quality time and acts of service did she seem to agree. It was difficult. So that is what I have focused on giving her. She seems to like it.

You asked a simple question. So.......unless you can tell me something that might shed more light, I would suggest you not try to touch her if she has clearly told you to keep your hands off. frown If it doesn't work, don't keep doing it.

Well, she never clearly said keep your hands off.
I do understand the concept that continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results is insane. I also know that the first several dozen times I swung a golf club, it didn't have positive results either.

As for always, thanks to everyone for your continued support and responses. As for, have my plans changed? No, not as of now. I still plan to move out if I don't see movement before the end of this year.
Why such a long timeframe? Why not?
After much consideration and prayer, I decided that because I wasn't in any dire distress, that it was a time to be still,..and wait, and to focus on other things, and that's what I have done. I have no fear of allowing this to become my new permanent normal.

As I write this I am contemplating the idea that I do give a touch charge opportunity a chance tonight at early Easter church service. The timing seems appropriate. There will be no confusion about my intentions. And if she responds negatively? I am better prepared to let it pass without any expectation. Either way, I am no worse off.