You used the word "cruel" in how he interacted with you while stressed. Is that word accurate? Because if it is, I think you really need to reflect on it.
I've been around/with people who are stressed to the max. People I'm very close with, people I love. And they can be short, they can be snippy and they can be rude. But they can NEVER be cruel. That is a line that is crossed and just not how you treat someone you love. It's not.
You asked him to leave, and I think you need to stand by that. I think it's obvious that you asked him to leave because you need things to change but you aren't giving either of you the opportunity to make a change. You don't have the space to create a new dynamic.
You will only feel yourself change when you truly step back from the M and focus only on you. Not on H one iota. He also needs to fend for himself and figure out what his priorities are.
I'm barely at 6 months separated and only now am I finding out who I really am as an individual. I thought I knew, and I'm happy that I was mostly right. But I'm still learning, and that's what space does. You are in desperate need of space and time.
No future-reading, no mind-reading. Just space and time with yourself. That's your prescription.
