AS - It is not often I disagree with you but this time I do.
He does not live here. He moved out over a year ago. This is not his home.
1. He chose to move and call somewhere else his home. 2. He does not contribute to the mortgage and never has (note: I am not bitter about this - if/when it comes to splitting the assets then we will split them 50/50.).
Ah, well that makes more sense but I don't understand why you would tell him it is "his house" if it's not. And why would he have any say about the deck or anything else if it's your house?
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We talk a lot on this site about regaining our self respect and putting aside our inner mister nice guy and stating clearly that we will not be disrespected. My H coming and going as he pleases is disrespectful to me.
So why do you continue to let it happen? Put a stop to it. Change the locks. Install a security system and don't give him the code (Ring is a good one, you can disarm it remotely if he or someone else needs access). Tell him he can only gain entry with your approval, and that he needs to call you first so you can disarm the system.
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BTW - you were the one that said the camera thing was, to use your words, creepy AF. Yes, it (was) creepy. But more to the point, it was controlling.
And it's still there, isn't it? TAKE CONTROL. You complain a lot about his control and manipulation, but then you don't do anything to stop it except keep asking him not to (and that has never worked). You have GOT to back up your boundaries with ACTION, otherwise you will continue to get walked all over. So for example, tell him "I have asked you over and over again not to let yourself into my house and you continue to do so. If this doesn't stop right away I am going to change the locks and install a security system." Then if he keeps doing it, then change the locks and install the security system.
