Just tell her your plans are to take care of yourself and your boys, otherwise don't respond to her probing.
I’ve said something to this extent, as well—something along the lines of ‘I want to create the best future / life possible for me and the boys,’ and it’s driven her nuts because she wants to know specifics. When she presses me, I repeat myself.
Originally Posted by Twofeet
Also, remember this is just mediation its not set in stone. If YOU don't agree with something, if it compromises YOUR values then don't settle.
The custody / visitation that L proposes look fair enough, I suppose. I didn’t see anything about W maintaining full / primary custody while YS breast-feeds, which I consider good for me.
Originally Posted by Twofeet
You can negotiate, but capitulation won't win her back or get her on your side. This a big step in fighting for what your future and your boys future will look like post-D. Good Luck. I will say a prayer for you.
I appreciate the good thoughts / prayers, TF.
I’m not looking to win her back or get her on my side. She gave up that consideration when she brought up separation, and especially now with being served D papers.
During a recent discussion with W, she talked about how she wants me ‘to be a partner, whatever happens between us,’ and blah blah blah.
I told her, straight up, that I’m willing to be a co-parent with her, but I’m not looking to be her friend.
Internally, my thoughts have been I can make friends; I wanted a wife.
FWIW, during a session with LMFT on Monday, his impression of W was that she seems to be ‘naive’ about all this, and believes that all this can be done super easily, with little to no effects or mess. I do have the impression that W thought I would cave and give in and do whatever she wanted, and so far, I pretty much haven’t. I’ve gone so far off her supposed script for me that it really has to bother her, but whatever to what she thinks. I’ve given up a lot for her during our MR, but that has stopped with her talk of S / D.
I am so, so glad and so, so grateful for the advice from my L, as well as the people here, on turning down / rejecting her original bird-nesting arrangement, because I think about how much extra time that has given me under the roof with our 2 boys (she first proposed it in early January, it’s now mid-April, so I’ve had an extra 3.5 months that I wouldn’t have had with them if I just caved in to her original demands).
That’s not the way this works—since my hand is being forced, now I want to play for keeps.
I’ve also been much more mindful recently of what a post-D life will look like; it will be interesting, and hopefully better than what came before. I went swimming and took OS to the pool at our complex this past Sunday—I took off my wedding band before we went in, so I wouldn’t lose it like I almost did at my school’s pool a couple of weeks ago. It was off for a couple of hours before I even noticed it was missing, and once I did, I kept it off until I went to work / school the next morning.
Whatever our problems have been during our MR, I did not want D, or even ask for it. But since she’s asked for it, I will give her the freedom that she supposedly wants, and not anything more than I am legally entitled to give.
