I hear ya. My son is 1.5 yrs old. She claims she did/does everything, she spends more time watching S1, child rearing is imbalanced, she does all the grocery shopping, cooking, clean, working, she has to do everything for everyone, and never puts herself first...I'm not saying there isn't validity to what they are saying but they're truth and perception can be quite exaggerated at times, either way it is their perception...blah blah blah... One hour im a great and wonderful father, who goes out of his way, and the next hour im demonized that she doesn't trust me for long periods, with S1.
Apparantly I'm to blame now, why she flip flopped 4 times on deciding following through on her bariatric weight loss surgery, because she doesn't trust me to care and physically pick up our S1, and keep tabs on him while she was scheduled for recovery post o.p. and all of this could be further from the truth.
Don't listen to any of it. Don't argue with it. Learn from our hard lessons. Just listen, try to empathize with it, and validate it. They are experiencing cognitive dissonance, and negative absolutes. They will re-write history, what they said, what you said, have skewed perceptions, harbor resentments, flip flop their minds, accuse and project onto us all the things they themselves are guilty of, and accuse the LBS of the same things in different capacities, all in the same hour, and then call us mentally ill.
I had to email the W to make a more conscious effort to not leave knives out on the edge of the counter so S1 doesn't cut himself of face this morning. Observed she did it 3 times this week, but doesn't trust me?...Hmm?... Doesn't clean up after herself, orders out all the time because doesn't feel like cooking. Buys minimal groceries, has no problems play games on phone, and binge watching reality tv shows "as an escape" etc, excuses excuses excuses. Not that I don't have mine? Im 180ing on them. The irony of my sich is my W is a behavior specialist that wants to quit her job in pursuit of her happiness by this summer.
A lot of them say before pre BD, that they felt numb, had a hard time being present, foggy memories of significant events. I think some minds and personalities shut down as a form of self preservation when dealing with continued stress. Most of the patterns I see here with the WAS is complaints of emotional numbness.
Look up anxiety symptom #5 emotional numbness, lightheadedness, and Depersonalization, Derealization, and Disassociation and see if what your W is experiencing, or alludes to experiencing is part of that descriptor.
