Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

W has said very similar things but she's not prideful in selfishness, but in my opinion is taking selfish actions to divide the family and go out on our own independently, and to my knowledge is not in current affair but Teeter tottering on it. However she has said that she got tired of putting all of her family and friends and husband first. Now it's about her new plan and newly-revised life independence and happiness w S1. Mine is a behavior specialist and teacher and she's quitting her job this summer because she doesn't want to return to the stress, she wants to move away from everyone, work from home and become a health coach, a farmer, a new keeper, a stay at home mom. " in other words pursue what makes her happy" (more resentment that she had to work to pay the mortgage) this summer is right around the corner and I don't see anything lined up on her end yet. something tells me I'm going to have to pay for it all, once and if the house is sold. Which I doubt because it won't conform to her timeline and her hopes and dreams.

I'm sorry your wife is being so prideful and selfish and doesn't realize what real sacrifices are, and who they are for. For all the guys out there that work their butts off to provide for their families and their wives complain and never spend enough time with them or the family. Please listen to what they are saying and make adjustments and balance in your lives. Sometimes we all need money to keep a roof over our heads but there are some memories you can never get back. But don't ever let them demonize you because they're coming from a place of selfishness. In their minds they think they do it all when it's far from the truth. It's only partial truth and delusioned thinking at best.

Here's the real truth. A man's world is a man's world and a woman's World Is A Woman's World and usually perceptions are very different. If a man had to do all the things that women do they would go crazy and vice versa. Our spouses never see what we do or what we put up with. And a lot of them want to inflict what they experience on to us, just to give us a taste of what they go through. Still no reason to break up a marriage though IMO. These are universal problems in every marriage I'm sure MWD has seen on a regular basis.

As best I understand it, my W thinks she spent years putting everyone else's needs ahead of her own to the point where she didn't know who she was or what she wanted/needed anymore. She reached a point of saying, "Forget it. I'm gonna focus on me."

She's not entirely wrong, but I agree that she doesn't really appreciate what I've been through or contributed here. Her story is that she did everything, I did nothing, I'm useless. Even in the post-2016 period that's not really true. For the earlier years it's the total opposite. But she believes what she believes, and right now pesky facts will not change her mind.

She does seem to believe that having failed to focus on her own needs in the past justifies her in making up for it by ignoring the inconvenient fact of me and the MR except when it suits her. And being as selfish as she wants to be. I don't believe that and I think what she is doing right now, especially with a 2-year-old child's family unit at stake, is unconscionable. I was unhappy with things in my life and our MR too. But I've always wanted to stay and fix it. I don't understand the need to veer from one extreme to the other like this.

I can genuinely acknowledge where I let her down and where I need to do better, and point out areas where she could do better, without believing it's best to blow the whole thing up. And truth be told, so far, she's not really making any moves for D or even separation (except sleeping in the living room since a bad argument 2 weeks ago). She's happy to have me around to help with everything but doesn't want a real relationship with me right now. And for now I'm putting up with it because I'm not leaving my D2. My relationship with her comes first.