OK so it's 8am and since I texted him this morning to say we arrived home ok he has texted me 6 times and rung me once. Is this him apologising for how he was over the weekend? Maybe. A few of them were about logistics things but some of the questions were expressing an interest in my work (I have a half yearly review this morning which I'm prepping for). Truly weird, but I'm quite detached about it and not reading too much into it (think I've been guilty of this in the past).
He needs you to like him. No more no less. Respond to the texts in a friendly none threatening / non pursuing manner - in the same way you would respond to a friend.
Originally Posted by dillydaf
I had a dream last night that dh had an accident and broke his arm and I was upset about it. And then he said he'd fallen over drunk and hurt himself again, and he was wearing a cycle helmet to protect his head in case he fell over again. I woke up halfway through this dream and was thinking it means he's damaged in the head and needs to be treated with care and empathy. Well, that was one interpretation anyway, the other is that he's an alcoholic incapable of looking after himself properly (I did say that the other day, well I said I wished he was able to work less so he could look after himself more and he said he was just an alcoholic but work doesn't stress him out too much. Hmmm)
My take ... you want to fix him. You see yourself as the savior and him the one who needs saving. But Dilly, you need to save you. You can only save you. Let him be.
You sound like you are doing great in other aspects of your life, but it is only half a life. Focus on you. If you knew your H wasn't coming back where would you be in 12 months?. What would be your goals?
Originally Posted by dillydaf
I'm going to text dh at some stage and say 'I don't think we were our best selves in France, I'm going to be my best self over Easter, starting with not drinking wine because it messes with my head'. Thoughts on that? I would like to reassure him that I will be safe to spend time with after last weekend, so that we can both be more relaxed.
Yes, he will be anxious about the time you're planning to spend together this weekend. But I am not sure telling him a) he wasn't on his best self in France and b) that your not drinking going to relax him and make him feel safe to spend time with you. He will be anxious regardless, and with a text like that, he will feel pressured to be on better behavior and well, the second part can be taken as a dig at his drinking.
Don't send him anything. You be your best self when you are with him. Consistent actions not words. If he is a [censored] that's on him.
Re the lack of physical intimacy. I remember reading about an experiment where they took baby monkeys and gave them a choice of either a stuffed toy shaped like a monkey or a milk from a metal bowl. They chose the warmth of the teddy over the milk. They nearly starved rather than eat. We all need to feel loved. But you are not a baby monkey. You have the capacity to get through this. But first, you have to put aside your insecurities and learn to be on your own.
