(((Turbine))). The self-loaded guilt is a killer. I know how you are suffering. I was right there with you not too long ago. Thirty-one years is a really, really long time so I totally get why you are struggling the way that you are and why it is so hard to let go. You need to do it anyway my friend. For your sake and for hers. The more you try to hang on, the more she wants to break free. Give her what she wants. What you want no longer exists. That sounds harsh, I know, but it is the truth from her perspective and it is our perspective that determines our reality.
My life got much, much easier when I accepted that my marriage was over and my H was gone. It hurt like hell but over time, as I have remembered things more clearly, the hurt has faded significantly and I have started to get excited about my life again. Letting my H go was the first step. You can let your W go too Turbine. You will survive and maybe even thrive once you do. Right now, you are just prolonging your suffering by focusing on her and what she is thinking and doing. Put the focus back on you...save yourself. (((HUGS)))
