Not much to say in regard to others sitch, so I have been quietly reading along.
Things with H haven't really changed. The last time I spoke with him is when he told me he wanted a divorce, but also mentioned that he could not afford a lawyer and asked if we really needed one. I had not heard from him on that front. He also said he would let me know about discernment counseling but I also never heard back from him
The past week I have spoken to him twice. Unfortunately our remaining dog has not been feeling well so today I let H know that the vet was concerned something was wrong, but we were waiting for test results. I could hear H get choked up when I mentioned that something might be wrong.
We spoke about other things, but these past two conversations he has shared quite a bit more about himself and what he is thinking and feeling. He still states that he wants a divorce, and again asked for money from the sell of our house. I told him that he already knows how I feel about the divorce.....that I would not stand in his way but I would also not help him with it. I offered him a certain amount of money, not the full amount, and he refused saying "he wanted more."
He did not make any house payments while living there, nor did he pay for any of the cosmetic changes we made. His contribution was paying the utilities. I told him that I did not think it was fair for him to get half because he did not make contributions to it. I said that I knew he was struggling financially since BD and did not think it was fair for me to give him money to help him pay those debts he incurred after BD.
In the previous conversation I apologized to him, because looking back I feel that I could have tried harder during our last reconciliation. I felt like he was the one who was supposed to do most of the work and that somehow he owed me something. I know he tried (to the best of his abilities) but for whatever reason I did not think it was enough, so it was almost like I made him work harder. I was hoping I would have received an apology from him for certain things that I felt like he could have made more effort on but I didn't get it I continue to learn that I can not have expectations in regard to him.....but that is really hard to do sometimes. He thanked me for apologizing.
Now.....this might not have been the best thing to say, but I told him that I honestly felt like he did still love me but that he had such fear about those feelings and did not know how to express them......he agreed that he still has a lot of fear. I told him that I also felt like we were not done with things. Meaning I strongly feel that we will one day be back together. I know that sounds so strange, and possible crazy, but it is how I feel. I don't know if this is wishful thinking, or is it me just not wanting to let go, but my gut has never been wrong and I feel this in my gut.
He asked if he could see our dog and have him this weekend as I will be working. I told him that would be fine. Honestly I do not really want to see him because whenever I do see him I get upset and my emotions get the best of me. We have keys to each others homes, so I might just drop the dog off that way I don't have to see him.
I would love to hear what you guys think. Hope everyone is well
I continue to learn that I can not have expectations in regard to him.....but that is really hard to do sometimes. He thanked me for apologizing. 
