Dilly you are doing so well . You have a deep understanding of where you and dh are . It’s hard and draining , but you can do it , it will be worth it .
Was just pondering the phrase “ behind every great man is a great woman @ . Would being a cheerleader for the positive things and actions he does be a consideration for trying?
Tryhard: this is something I have been working on, being more appreciative of him as a person and for things he does for me. Case in point: the other day when he had my car he filled it up so I texted and thanked him. I have been more appreciative of everyone in my life actually, not just dh, I have made a big effort for it to become my new normal, to thank people in a meaningful way if they do something nice, and to give people positive, meaningful feedback about themselves. I think I really touched a few people with that (not dh lol, I'll keep working on that one)
Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Dilly... you sound like you are doing well. Good for you. Also glad you are starting to realize that you deserve better than what your H has been giving you. My H was a jerk when he was home as well... I was walking on eggshells and I didn’t even really recognize it because I got so used to him being that way. Now I am on my own and I don’t have to do that anymore. It has been liberating. I hope things work out because I loathe to see families split - especially when there are kids involved. If it doesn’t work out, however, you will be just fine. (((HUGS)))
Deja: thank you. I don't want to go back there again, I don't think he does either actually. I mean, he wasn't like that all the time or anything, but it was a good 6 months of most years and got worse and worse over the years, he was stuck in a right negative spiral and I didn't respond well to it. I thought I was being assertive and actually I was just defensive, I've never been good at conflict though I'm improving my assertiveness a lot since this happened. His behaviour was pretty intolerable at times though, to the kids as well as me. In a way I'm paradoxically glad I got to see the old him because yuck, he wasn't nice. He was firmly in victim mode and blaming everything on me. I did spend quite a few years actually thinking about leaving him. Maybe I should have, but I wasn't brave enough. I just kind of ignored him and continued on with my life and was reasonably happy when he wasn't around. I used to dread him coming home from work for quite a few years, that's pretty awful isn't it?
