Not Sure Where This Is Going

[Niall11]

I read it and I hear you, having it sting when the W is out with the children and taking pictures. Mine is in the same boat that selfishly going independent and having more fun than I am. My w doesn't seem like the type of person to rub it in people's faces, but today she went to the beach with MIL. She took pictures of S1 while I was at work. She did invite me and asked me about it several weeks ago, but I declined because I have to work. She never told me the actual day or that she was going today .They went to the Tiki Bar, a place I introduced my Wto many years ago. I don't know if she's just being a good parent and sending me pictures of S1, or she's on intentionally trying to rub it in my face saying hey look what you missed.

Thanks for reading.

It is hard to tell sometimes. Try to go with she's just sending you photos of your son. I take a ton of photos of my kid, so when W takes her somewhere without me I'll ask her to take some and send to me. Since I asked, it doesn't seem like she's rubbing my nose in it by sending the photos. Although she does seem like she's rubbing my nose in it by going out as much as she does.

10 years ago she said all she wanted was me. Now she's decided that she wasted her 20s being bored with our life and, at 32 with a toddler, is going to do all the single 20-something things she missed out on. Of course she wasn't bored at the time and we've done a lot of great things together. I just find the idea that she can only go have fun if I'm not included, ever, extreme. She has acknowledged as much.

It's amazing how they project onto us about us being selfish. But they can't see their own actions. Just tired of it, tired of the blame shifting tired of the resentments especially the parental ones. My wife's latest pathetic excuses that she couldn't do the bariatric surgery to lose weight after she flip-flopped on it four times because she couldn't trust me for a month to take care of S1. So I'm to blame for everything that's wrong in her life. Her latest Facebook post really crack me up but I'm not going to respond to any of it for her text messages unless it's an emergency.

My D2 is a lousy sleeper. For a long time, if anyone else tried to put her to bed, she'd scream for Mommy. My W felt like she could never go out in the evening, with or without me. Last summer she'd meet friends but be home by 8 for bedtime. And she really resented it. Her friends were late 20s, no kids. Last fall, ironically right around the time she started stonewalling me and wanting out, I took over bedtime duties. Now she can go out without that worry and she sure has been taking advantage of it. I had to insist on a schedule where I get my days too. Sad to me that D2 now has only one of us home in the evenings most days, but I didn't create this situation, I don't want it, and I need to get out of the house for my own sake.

I was probably not the best partner or dad my D2's first 2 years. I tried but I could have done much more. These days I think I'm much better and W, who was a great mom, is dropping the ball big time. But in her narrative she's still Supermom and I'm useless.

Either way it makes me sad and I need to get over it. I'll schedule and sometime on my weekend to take him out to a place myself.

Time to detach some more and do me.

Yep. That's the way. Easier said than done, at least for me. Good luck!