Wife is having an affair and wants to separate

[sandi2]

I agree with the example Another Stander gave you. Be sure you face her like a man, and don't tell her through text messages. Remember, this is not about where you failed. This is about her affair. Do not get into a relationship talk, b/c it will weaken the strength of point of confrontation. You want to appear confident, say what Another Stander suggested, and then leave her there alone while you go out for several hours. When you go back home, there is nothing to discuss. WW's can say things the H desperately wants to believe, but they are lies. She can twist the truth and make him feel that everything is his fault. One of the biggest lies is how they don't want a relationship with any man. They just want to find themselves. I think this will be the route your W will take. She'll say she doesn't want to be in a relationship right now, and just wants her own living space, yada.....yada.....yada. It's garbage. Be smart and don't believe anything she says. And....don't believe any tears she sheds. It's no problem for women to turn on tears when they are trying to deceive someone. Just like they can turn on charm when they decide. So, chill and don't get suckered into drama.

She may be cold and go completely silent. That's fine. It won't kill you. The MR is over, at least for now. Your job is to let her go. Don't cling, don't cry, don't try to get her to talk......and don't apologize for anything. This is not the time. She needs to deal with the results of knowing she did not deceive you. Any other discussions at this time will only distract. And trust me when I say that she will twist things and have you thinking the moon is made out of cheese. I think you maintain a little distance, b/c you are vulnerable and too concerned about how she feels. You don't have to act mad or as if you are sulking, but do nothing that appears as if you are trying to "make up" with her. If she turns on tears, don't comfort her. If she asks for a hug, tell her "no". WW's do this b/c they are trying to manipulate......not b/c they are sorry for their actions. Don't try to make everything nice and comfy for her. Don't feel badly for her. Don't cater to her. She has fired you. She has brought this upon herself, so don/'t show affection or tenderness. If you do, then she will think you are a fool for be manipulated by her. This is the time she needs to see you standing strong and confident like a man who can't be fooled by feminine wiles.

Don't mention your pain. She will turn it on you. This is not the time to talk about anything else. The confrontation is not about producing guilt or any other feelings in your WW. Don't mention her parents or her child. The purpose of this confrontation is to tell her you know the truth. It's not about trying to stop her from leaving. In fact, she needs to know you are letting her go. Keep the confrontation short & simple. I think you should leave the house immediately after the confrontation, and let her stay alone for some hours.

These suggestions probably feel very opposite of what you want to do. I have yet to see a newcomer LBH who comes close to thinking like his WW........and that's why I try to give some inkling of the mindset of a WW. Take this a step at a time. The first step is to confront her. Next step is letting her go on her way.