Been busy DBing since my last post. Ive been on the site reading when I feel hopeless. Been a real roller coaster of emotions lately but I feel as if I’m starting to accept the situation and realizing that no matter what happens I will be okay.
So after reading a lot I decided to talk with my W about some boundaries. Most were small things about how she talks to me but the big one was, that “Iknow we are having problems and that an affair would be a deal breaker for me”. She denied affair of course and I don’t have any evidence that she is having one. After this boundary talk it seemed as if she respected me for saying it. The week of bomb drop she wouldn’t tell me anything about what she is doing but the day after my boundary talk she was very specific about where she was going and doing.
She has still not mentioned D or separation, and there have been no further R talks. There have been a few instances almost daily where she is very friendly and talkative like she was a few months ago before BD. Then she goes back to coldness. I read this can be a sign of good DBing and that the WAW will “try out being nice”?
The physical touch in bed is hit or miss. Some nights she will lay closer and touch me while going to bed, other nights she won’t. I’m not initiating and trying to mirror. I have been trying to use words of affirmation which was one of her complaints during BD. Per advice of the vets on here I haven’t been always complimenting her on looks. For example this morning I said “you are so creative with your outfits”. This initially got an “Ok” from her and then a few moments later she said “that was weird”. Not sure if I should stop saying things like that or if it’s weird because I never used to say things like that? Any advice on her reactions to my words of advice would be appreciated.
