Re: Moving past the WAW to a stronger me Pt. 6

[Davide]

Living in uncertainty. That is the daily struggle right now, which I mean in both a good and bad way.

I flew up to my hometown for a job interview this past weekend. It would be at a good school, a sizeable pay increase that would more than make up for the cost of living, plus it would be a fresh start in a major metropolitan city where I still have lots of friends and family. On the bad side, it would severely curtail my freedom in the classroom, which is why I moved to the school I am at right now. Currently, I don't even have an offer, but if I get one it would likely come this week and I would have less than a week to respond. It's a tough decision. It feels like now might be a good time to make a break for it as I have little in the way of roots down here. That said, the situation is not ideal, but I don't know that I will be able to find an ideal situation or even a better one. I've been thinking about it since I left and I am still on the fence. If I don't take this job I will most likely sign my contract to come back for another year where I am (though I could always break the contract if something amazing came up.)

I have a couple of first dates set up for this week, tonight and tomorrow. I haven't talked to them about the job interview since we are just meeting for the first time. I figure if I take the job, I'll just let them know and that's that. If I don't take the job (or don't get it) then I´ll just move forward with my life as if I am staying. Of course, if they ask I'll answer honestly, but I don't plan on bringing it up myself.

I was recently re-reading The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F%$k and one section made me question myself. It was talking about codependent relationships and how unhealthy they are, it reads:

Instead, victims and savers both use each other to achieve emotional high's. It's like an addiction they fulfill in one another. Ironically, when presented with emotionally healthy people to date, they usually feel bored or lack "chemistry" with them. They pass on emotionally healthy, secure individuals because the secure partner's boundaries don't feel "exciting" enough to stimulate the constant highs necessary in the entitled person.

That gave me pause because I just ended a relationship with an emotionally secure partner (the prof) with whom I lacked "chemistry." I also recognize the unhealthy codependency of my MR. Am I only seeking unhealthy relationships? I don't think that my MR started out in that way, rather it devolved into that due to a host of factors including depression on both sides. I don't think that I have a track record of seeking out those types of relationships, as I was always very independent and self-reliant before. But, am I unconsciously seeking to replicate the highs of my MR, or is it just that the prof and I didn't have the right chemistry? How could I even tell the difference? It is definitely something worth considering.

I am currently filling out round two of my divorce documents since a month has passed since my W was served via certified mail. Once I fill out these forms (correctly, I hope!) I have to take them to city hall to file, and then they will give me a court date in the next 6 weeks (I don't need to show up, it's a formality for the judge to sign off.) So, basically once I drop these forms off I will have done all the work necessary to get the divorce, it is just a question of time. I still need to meet with W at a notary to remove her name from the deed to the house, but otherwise that is it. I have off on Friday for Easter so I'm planning on dropping them off then. I'll try to go the climbing gym afterwards so that I can expunge the bad taste. It's strange that such a profound and special relationship can come down to such bureaucratic paperwork and errands (and yes, I know it's just a piece of paper, and the relationship has been over for a year now!) I suppose it is better that I am doing it myself rather than being served and being the defendant in the case. At least this way it is my choice and I get to be pro-active about it.

I hope all is well with everyone!