Anyway he emailed me asking me to agree to not going after his small retirement savings, and in return he won’t go after my savings account I had when we were married.
If you had a savings account at the time you were married, whatever was in it is not marital property. If you've contributed to it since getting married then it gets tough to sort out because what was already in it is yours, but what you contributed to it after M is joint property.
Similarly, if any of his retirement was accrued before M then it's his, if after M it's joint property.
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I want to be smart and I want to protect myself. I also am not, at this point worried at all that he’s trying to take me for a ride.
Well, if all of your savings was yours before M, and all of his retirement was accrued after M, then yes he's trying to take you for a ride. But if you were both contributing to those accounts after M, then it's probably a fair split if the accounts are relatively equal. My XW and I both had 401K accounts, we had both started them before M and contributed to them throughout the M. Rather than try to figure out how to divide them up we just said "you keep yours and I'll keep mine" as it was way easier.
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Also— I read something in another forum about the Last Resort Technique and I’m wondering what sets that technique apart? I think I may be doing it already, but if there’s something I’m missing I’d like to implement it?
There's a chapter on it in DR, I definitely suggest you read it. LRT is pretty much just leaving him alone. No being his text buddy or shoulder to cry on or anything like that.
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When H and I last discussed it, all the reasons he had for getting a D is that he’s afraid to try again, that he can’t imagine being intimate again after all this time because he feels like it would be fake seeming (it probably would but I suspect we’d get past it quickly), that he feels it’s too risky for him and he might get hurt again, etc. I GET all of that and they are valid concerns. Am I nuts for feeling like those reasons all have a “I want to but...” ring to them?
The reason they have that "ring" to them is he wants you to stay on as Plan B. You don't want to be Plan B, and you don't want him thinking/ knowing you are Plan B. As long as you are Plan B you will never, ever graduate to Plan A. Remove yourself as an option and suddenly you become much more desirable. People want what they can't have.
