pretty dramatic low point today. the mutual dissolving of the relationship between Mary and I has degraded into scorned and getting ghosted. I feel like I'm cursed, like I'm broken and unlovable.
It's normal to feel that way. Wrap your head around that Orange, that's right, you are NORMAL! Not broken, not unlovable, just going through the emotional turmoil of ending a relationship.
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Additionally it really makes me wonder Why I am always so desperate to have someone in my life.
Now that is a good question to contemplate. Because it's OK to WANT someone, but not OK to NEED them. If you need someone to fill a hole in your life, then that's unhealthy. Fill that hole yourself first (I'm bracing myself for someone to throw a dirty pun in here )
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every serious relationship I've ever been in, 4 that I can think of, have all ended in a similar fashion.
Then make #5 different, and thank the heavens above that the first 4 learning experiences prepared you for the best, most meaningful relationship of your life.
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moreover I'm scared shittless then I'm going to literally spend the rest of my life overworked tired and alone.
A lot of us feel that way coming out of a LTR, and many jump into a new R too quickly after that. But if you give yourself some time to adjust and get used to being alone, it can be beautiful. It'll make you stronger and more independent. Less needy. You won't need someone to make you happy if you find happiness on your own. When you get to the point where you say "if I live the rest of my life without a romantic partner, it won't matter to me because I can find fulfillment without that" THEN you will set yourself up for the best R yet.
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I've reached that age where most of my friends are busy with their own families.
Make new friends.
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on the days that I don't have him I am crippled by depression and loneliness.
See a doctor and get evaluated for depression. There's no shame in seeking help and I can personally tell you that the right medication can make a HUGE difference in how you feel and your outlook on life, even if just taken temporarily.
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