Ok ticked off everything except more yoga and the calming down steps today. Had a nice day with the teens and only contacted dh twice, mostly because he texted me 4 times and rang me once and was accusing me of ignoring him. Sigh. So many, many mixed messages, I find it so exhausting.
During my run I thought about yesterday and thought that actually my behaviour was too apologetic and pathetic. Whereas he didn’t take one jot of responsibility for his terrible behaviour in the past. And actually this weekend he was pretty grumpy, critical and short tempered. A lot like he has been for years. His ‘better man’ has not been much in evidence ironically since his busy time at work finished. How was he able to make an effort then but not now when the pressure is off? Or is it that being on holiday brings back old memories and habits? I don’t know but I’m not playing guessing games any more.
Anyway I was reflecting on Alison’s question a while back about why we’d be willing to put up with this terrible behaviour. And I’m not willing to any more. The man yesterday who was cranky and critical and kept rehashing his marital resentments is not someone I want to be married to. I’ve worked very hard to forgive him for his behaviour and to let go of my past resentments but if he can’t do the same then there’s not much worth saving.
So I guess I’m detaching again. I feel much better about this. I can’t be dragged into his negativity and an unhealthy dynamic. I’ve apologised enough, the rest is up to him to step up and be a better husband. He got a puncture on the way back from the airport and now he will have to sort out a new tyre which will be a massive hassle for him. If he’d been with me I would have done all of it and got no recognition because he’d be too busy accusing me of the one thing I hadn’t done instead of the millions of things I did do.
May half term: I now know he will be away on a cycling trip with colleagues and has expressed no interest in seeing the kids. Sounds like my cue to organise something for us 3 and leave him to drink himself stupid with a bunch of people who will enable him.
