FYI....I have not confronted her yet about the affair.
I was planning to confront her and as per Sandi, it is not going to change anything and now I am in doubt and don't know if I do or should not do.
Vik, here's the deal. She probably doesn't care whether you know or not, but she hasn't told you because she thinks it's none of your business. My XW was more of a WAW than a WW, but even she became super-secretive and I became the last to know ANYTHING going on with her. The mailman and random strangers knew stuff before I did. This is your new situation, and it's hard to accept I know. So whatever you think you might gain from confronting her, you're probably wrong. It'll probably just bring you more pain and heartache because her response will show you she's way more gone than you realize.
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i guess the fear of losing her is gripping my rational thinking and I really want to do what works and not what i feel will work.
She's already gone. She considered the two of you "divorced" at BD. You can't get her back through confronting her, and you can't get her back by not confronting her. She's gone either way. Now maybe some day she will come back, but not now and not anytime soon. These things take a lot of time to resolve. For now you have to let her go wallow in the mess she's creating.
