Alison, I'm sorry that this is going to sound tough and not what you want to hear. Please take a deep breath, and consider.
You do not have a relationship.
You think you do, your husband is clearly indicating you do not. You can't go to him for support because he is not your partner right now. This is all pressure pressure pressure and it will most certainly come to a head in an ugly way. It's already showing. He may say he wants a R, but his actions are very clear that is not the case.
I'm going to catch up on your sitch, but you can't go to H to solve your sadness right now. I'm sorry hun, but you are 100% on your own with this hurt. It's tough. We all know, and we've all been there/are there. But if you can work on you and ONLY you right now the hurt will become bearable. Find something that gives you strength, and pour your soul into it.
Make art. Read books. Go for walks. Hit the gym. Sing. Go to church. Whatever it is - find something that feeds you to get you through. Then as you find some strength you can start putting one foot in front of the other and see where life leads you.
