Rang H this evening. Asked him how his work had gone - he was evasive, asked me how I was. I said I was a bit sad, that I wish I'd heard from him more. That he keeps saying he wants to work on repairing things but doesn't have time right now, but he could at least have time to send me a text now and again and he hadn't, and it upset me. And he said he couldn't control how I felt and fixed how I felt and he was going to do what everyone else in the world did and please himself for once. And I said he was only able to do that because I was taking sole care of his kids, and perhaps he could show me a bit of compassion and respect and care, and he said he didn't dare ask me how I was because it always opened a can of worms. I said he didn't have to ask me how I was, he could just tell me he loved me, and he was thinking about me, and things were going to be okay, and he said he was never going to be told what to say by me ever again in his life and if I wanted to tell myself the reason why we were split up was because of his behaviour, I could do that, and he'd be quite happy in his room - he got really nasty and sarcastic and ranty and of course we ended up arguing. He was drunk, I think - I started crying and he started doing nasty impressions of me, which is how he reacts when he feels backed into a corner by my emotions. Turned out he'd had a terrible time at work - and was furious at me for not asking (I had) and making it all about me (I did). I just want this to be repaired or over and I can't have either and it stinks. And he says he wants to work on things, but every single time I go to him for comfort he's so nasty to me.
