Also: I was trying sooo hard to validate driving him to the airport. But at one point he said ‘stop saying you can see how blah blah blah’. It was like he felt suspicious. I said ‘well you told me when I said I understand that I couldn’t possibly understand so I’m not saying that even though I’d like to understand and empathise with you’. That was not as generous as it sounded because I was quite upset at the time and trying not to dump my feelings on him. I tried ‘that sounds frustrating’ and ‘I agree’ where I could but I was so unbalanced it was difficult to do, plus difficult to not get defensive. I definitely didn’t attack him though which I might have done in the past. I also said that in the past I had been too independent and too insensitive and that I was swinging too far in the other direction to compensate. Which is true I think. I also said that some of this isn’t to do with him, which might also be true. I’m thinking a lot about family interactions and how I need to change with or without dh.
