Oh Dilly. It's really really really hard. Easy enough to see things cooly from the outside and be able to offer dispassionate suggestions and make pithy observations. Harder to be the person dealing with heartbreak and feelings of uncertainty and abandonment and rejection. I have cried and begged and pleaded and behaved with an utter lack of dignity in front of H - I've rang him over and over again. And each time I press dial I've gone 'if he doesn't answer I will never ever ever call him again' and I've called him again. I am glad that seems to be behind me now, but there are other crazy things I am still doing and will do in the future. We don't have to be perfect. And being perfect may not get us the result we want anyway. It's just fumbling through as best as we can. You are doing your best in a set of circumstances you can't control in a body experiencing changes and emotions you aren't always in command of. You are allowed to be human.
