So the W's L just mailed me the D papers, they have been filed, so it's officially underway. My L is going to file the response. We are still planning to go to mediation.
I am still working on drafting up my terms for custody. Hopefully we can come to terms. Regarding the house, W's parents are going to give her the $$ to buy me out, it's just a matter of the price. I have always watched the market in our area and have a very good idea about value. The house is at least "average" and I therefore have average the last year's worth of houses of similar size and want that to be the basis for the buyout. It's a tract housing development so comps are good. I can tell already W is going to try and lowball me, she does nothing but point out every nick and blemish the house has, "it just needs SOOOO much work..."
Much as I love the house and neighborhood, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not going to keep it. After getting to that point, I thought I would rent a similar house in the neighborhood, but rents are crazy high and I don't want to do that to myself either. I have decided to find a condo close by, there are a few communities within 10 minutes that are pretty nice and would be $750-$1,000/mo. less than a bigger house in my neighborhood. I'll need to downsize by about 1200 sq. ft. and lose the yard and privacy factor, but the kids will still have their own rooms, a community pool, same area and schools, and after a few years of renting I will have saved $20K over renting a bigger place.
The four big downsides I am feeling these days are 1) sadness for the kids/prepping for the kid custody shuffle; 2) downsizing the size and quality of my home; 3) renting instead of owning and therefore not immediately setting up a new long term house for the kids and me; and 4) finances - money will be much tighter due to maintaining two households.
Emotionally I am pretty rock solid and honestly looking forward to getting out of the house and on my own again. As my thread title suggests I am not without fault, but through IC I continue to learn that much of my actions were pretty standard responsive/reactive things to W's harsh, abrasive commentary/criticism, micromanagement and control issues, and high strung nature. IC says the toxicity dance of our R is behavioral science 101, it's a script she has seen play out in many M's. My W works in a competitive, male dominated profession, and she exudes some masculine energy that she doesn't leave at the office, and that is another big part of the problem.
I'm still IHS, probably for another few months. I am pretty much all business with the W but very present and emotive with the kids. No overt drama or arguments happening. I am cordial with W but cool, not warm, like a I said pretty much businesslike and to the point. Yes I could be warmer, maybe should be, but at this point I want space, I want out of the IHS, I want my $$ out of the house and I want to get into the reality of an actual physical separation. I want to turn the page and move on, and W appears to be sensing this very well. She recently commented "I know you don't like me and just want out, but blah blah..." I said "you came to me and told me ILYBINILWY and you wanted a D, so that's what's happening, that's all."
I got a supportive text from a female friend in my circle of friends who just heard about the D, she is also D'd, she is very cute, sexy and fun, and therefore very dangerous to me at this stage....She suggested we get together for a drink and that she is there for me whenever I want to talk. I have purposefully not disclosed the D at my office due to the number of very good looking women in my industry who will provide even more temptation if they knew the sitch. Trying to keep my wits about me until I can get out of the house and into my own space. Even then I plan to tread carefully at first, but I am very much looking forward to being unencumbered. I'm guessing there will be lonely and depressive moments that will hit me, but hopefully not too hard. Hopefully I am not overestimating the positives of the dating world I am about to re-enter. I guess we'll see about that this summer.
Keep you guys posted, love this place, the ability to post is so beneficial.
