Hey LH19! Wow it’s been a minute since I’ve posted.
Update: I think I’ve finally dropped the rope. I’ve let my H go. It hasn’t been easy. It still hurts, just not as bad. But I’ve let him go and turned him over to God. God can deal with him far better than me.
For the past week or so, I’ve had such a peace come over me. I’ve been praying and God is listening and answering my prayers. Although, I don’t want my M to end, I now feel at peace with whatever happens. I still love him with all my heart. But I know that whatever happens, I’ll be ok!
I’ve been doing better with the detachment thing. He still pursues me as usual. One day it’s he wants out and he next he’s trying to be all over me. He wants to let me go but still can’t figue out why that’s so hard for him. That’s for him to figure out.
I’ve still been educating myself on MLC. I know it’s not about me. I know that my husbands MLC would have happened no matter who he was in a relationship with. His MLC was set in motion during his childhood. So as you all say, I didn’t break him so I can’t fix him. It’s up to him to do the hard work on himSELF. He can either choose to run or he can choose to do the work. However, the choice is HIS and HIS alone.
I’ve learned to co-exist with him in the house without it bothering me like it used to. I just get up and go about my day. I notice that he’s still here but his presence doesn’t affect me as much as it used to. Lol, there are still days he annoys me but those days are few and far between.
As for the job. No word on that yet. However, if he gets the position, I’ll wish him well. I’m not trying to hold him back or stand in his way.
I’m getting back to knowing my self-worth. I’m not perfect but I have a lot to offer. I look back on how I behaved in the beginning of this journey and I can see how desperate and unattractive that behavior was. I don’t fault myself, just seeing things from a “stronger” perspective now.
Overall, I wake up and I feel blessed. Everyday that I wake up, I know that life is a gift. I just wake up wanting to live life. It feels good to be in this place mentally. I still have so much to work on when it comes to myself. However, I’m excited to see how I will become the best version of myself.
So that’s my update! Thanks for checking in on me LH19. Also thanks to everyone that has helped me on this forum. I appreciate all the great advice.
I’m not where I need to be but I’m not where I used to be!
Original BD: 10/26/2017 PA: 10/2017 - 11/2017 Second BD: 09/15/2018 Currently: IHS M: 42 H: 45 S: 22 lives on his own D: 18 away at college S: 15 still lives at home - the only child we share together
