I think my decision to take my ring off two weekends ago turned out to be the right call for me right now, despite the pain. We are still legally married, but we have barely had any communication the past 6ish months since W moved out. I need to live my life in a non-holding pattern.
I am inching my way forward with acceptance that our marriage is over. Some days it's okay. Some days it's harder. But overall I see the pattern move more towards "okay" and I am sad that I take comfort in that.
The distance has allowed me to become clear in my needs. My needs from a partner are more than W was giving me in the 5 months before she asked for D. It really was a switch from BD. Before that she truly was a wonderful loving partner. But the anger and snark and how she acted between BD and asking for the D...was not okay.
On the boards everyone always says, "Don't be Plan B" and I always have agreed. But the emotions of the LBS are so hurt that we would almost take being Plan B if it meant our M was restored. Time has allowed me to truly FEEL that I absolutely will never be Plan B. It's not rhetoric anymore. Time and space has allowed me to believe it. I take pleasure in this for any future relationship.
I am a bad@$$ mother-f'in queen. I know it. And I will be treated as such. And I will treat a true partner as such in return, and bow down to her in response.
