Last attempt. OrangeK v.2

[MarcPa]

Oh, what many of us here wouldn't give to be 30 while going through this. I'm pushing 50, facing a divorce after a 10 year marriage, financial cataclysm, and loss of connection to my extended family. But you know what? I'll be ok, because I've looked hard at myself and took responsibility for my happiness.

Orange, you should really listen to what people are saying here. People like IHCLACS, Steve85, and others are looking inwards for answers, and answer they find. See, a happy life is all about emotional attunement with yourself. All the good things that are going to bring you those healthy connections with others come from self-awareness. Emotional resilience, self esteem, fulfillment are core components of happiness, and right now you seem to be running short on all. This isn't pleasant to hear but until you stop blaming others, and yourself, you'll never going to understand why you're attracted to relationships that fail. The way out is to stop the fight and embrace the madness. Delve deep into yourself and ask what is the common variable here. You'll find it is you.

I know. You're be angry at this post. You think we're full of cr*p. But honestly, the men and women here don't have to respond to your posts. They've got their own stuff going on. They do respond out of love and compassion for other human beings who they empathize with you because they understand the pain you're dealing with. However, ultimately you will have to do the work. Only you can make yourself happy.

To be truly happy, you'll need to be in a place where you're grateful to your ex for the opportunity she gave you to gain life-experience. You'll need to forgive people who hurt you, and forgive yourself, and drop the ball of pain you're carrying in your heart. To this, spend some time alone. Enjoy your son and form an unconditional bond with him. Read books like "Codependent No More", "No More Mr Nice Guy", and everything by John Gottman. Practice mindfulness and yoga. Realize what a gift being 30 is. Be grateful for every day you're healthy and your knees don't hurt. Practice compassion. Exercise. Prioritize sleep, and eat healthy. Take road trips. If you honestly let go, and give yourself over to this, one day you'll notice you're happy, and then you'll open the door and let the right person to come into your life. Do it for your self, and your son.