I am glad you are speaking with an attorney. It looks like you have a reasonable idea in mind.
A good rule of thumb regarding speaking with W - wait 24 hours, or better yet 48 hours, unless it is an emergency or something important about the kids. This will give you time to gather your thoughts, and let feelings subside a little. You can even ask someone to read over your response before replying, lots of people here have traveled the road you’re on and can offer suggestions.
I’ll offer mine for the conversation you had.
2 nights ago, she sent me a text around 11:09 pm saying: "Hi, I just wanna say congrats on your new place".
I didn't respond til 630 am the next day and simply replied, "G'morning. Thanks."
Well done. You waited and kept it short and businesslike.
Then 1.5 hrs later she sent me a text re the internet/cable bills asking if I've already sent my share for it.
My reply was, "I'm now on a tight budget, I'm by myself and no one is really helping me with my rent and utility bills. I also stated, "unlike in your household, you all can support each other when it comes to the mortgage and the bills". I also mentioned re my response to her petition and how it'll cost me $435 for the court fee. What a waste of money.
Proposed: The next day I sent “No.”
(Don’t feed her. She doesn’t care about your finances, it shows in her next response to you. And she sure doesn’t want to hear any blame and judgement. Yes, it is totally justified and you are correct. However, it really will do no good, and just get you upset and cause problems, especially when trying to negotiate.)
She then replied by reminding me how we agreed on me still helping out with their mortgage and internet/cable bills and how "it's for the boys".
My reply was to let her know that unfortunately things have changed and me trying to get situated are also "for the boys". I also told her that my current situation is really hard right now and kinda mentioned how our life was easy then when we're together compared to now.
Proposed: <nothing>
(There was no question. Keep things businesslike. Don’t take the bait. She is looking for a fight, for justification, and the “it’s for the boys” is just a way to try to get at you. Don’t fall for it. You aren’t even considering spousal support because you both make similar income, so she doesn’t need your support now.)
I had the boys slept over with me last night since they're going out of town from Fri-Sun. (Good. Focus on the boys and you. Enjoy your time with them.)
I did mention to her that our eldest was looking forward to competing this weekend.
(Unneeded. She already knows and still changed the dates and is still going.)
Those responses, well lack of responses, might looks harsh or mean to you, at the moment.
She is actively seeking divorce, and you do not live in the same house. JN you have your own bills to pay (something you attempted to explain to her). Mediation is 6 weeks away, and I do understand and think that “playing nice” is a good idea. So be friendly and businesslike, like speaking with your boss. Keep you replies short and to the point. She cannot, and will not, read a long reply. Remember this is all emotionally based and all about her.
Did you agree to split the mortgage and internet/cable bills? Or was it more vague like?
This highlights an interesting trait that MLCers seem to share. They have Swiss cheese memories, but can bring up things you do wrong or something you said that can be used against you. It is good to keep conversations simple and clear. And in written form, like a text or email.
Don’t worry JN, you did fine. It is difficult when our spouses reach back to us, stirs up a lot of emotions. Come here and vent, tell us, share what you are going to tell her before you send it. Buy yourself some time, it really does help.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
