I don't know if you'll see my post before you confront your WW, but I'd like to give you a few thoughts. I am not against confrontation.......as long as you understand a few things. Confrontation will not change her mind. It won't wake her up from her fantasy world. It won't give her a sense of relief, like you suggested. It won't even push her to file for D any faster than not confronting her. It won't do anything but let her know that you have not been deceived. Do I think you should confront her? If it is to your advantage, then yes. I just want you to understand it won't change her decision. I agree with the other posters that you NEVER reveal your sources, and trust me......she will want to know how you know. When you are celebrating your 50th anniversary, you still NEVER reveal sources.

Meet with a lawyer ASAP to see where you stand legally, and take steps to protect your finances. You love this woman, but I promise you can't trust her. She isn't the person you've known for sixteen years. You will score no points with her by being a pushover. So, stand up for yourself.

As for exposing her affair to the parents.......what do you wish to accomplish? She doesn't have a close relationship, and they aren't going to talk her out of the affair. Unless they financially support her, what can they do to make her stay with you? Nothing! Now, if you want them to know the truth of why a divorce is coming......then that's up to you. I'm just saying don't expose with the idea it is going to prevent her from divorcing you.

Another thing I noticed is how you referred to yourself as emotionally abusing your WW. I think the abuse word is used to easily these days. I don't want to sound as if I'm trying to down play true cases of abuse. I am, however, saying not to take the word of a cheating, wayward wife that she was abused. There is a different heart and mindset in an abused victim than that of a wayward wife. Could you have been a better H? Yes, by reading your first post, I'd say it sounds as if you could have done a better job, but I wouldn't be so quick to classify it as abuse. Therefore, I am suggesting you not refer to yourself as an abuser.

If you don't want a D, then don't file. If she wants one, she can do the work. You can't force someone to love you. You let her be, and stop being a part of her world, and she may eventually come back. You co-parent, but you don't become buddies, if you know what I mean. Not while she's seeing OM. Be friend-ly, but not BFF's. Being pals is a death trap for the LBH, b/c his goal and her goal in the friendship are as far as east from west.

Keep posting and reading.

((hugs))

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!