More experienced people will give you feedback, but I wonder if you need to get rid of the first six paragraphs. They're about your marriage. And really, the message here is about his conduct to do with the house. You're setting a practical boundary. The marriage and the practicalities of co-parenting while separated feel like separate things to me, though I can't quite put my finger on why. It also reads to me like you want to soften his heart or placate him so he will do what you want (stay out of the house) when a message from a position of strength might be more along the lines of, 'I've thought deeply about our experience with DD's counsellor the other day - both his feedback about her difficulty adjusting to our separation and your feedback that you plan never to come back. With both of these things in mind, I think it is better for both DD and for me that we formalise contact and access arrangements.' Something more business like and less wifely?
I don't know. This is just my instinct. I think you're trying to write in such a way that he won't be angry with you, and that comes off as a bit weak. He's probably going to be angry with you no matter how you phrase it. Do you know what your fear is specifically?
