Story and Symptoms of MLC/WAW Part 2

[Rose888]

How can I respond this evening, so I am not flip flopping in my words and actions if I am indeed being manipulated? Everything i have tried from DB has been one gigantic stand off p!ssing match for the last 6 months. Its made everything worse. The NC, all of it, reclaiming the MBR which I get. Even Sandi said to stop applying her rules, as they are perceive by her as punitive. So its hard for me to trust the process, but I understand how the process is supposed to be for the long haul to R and not short term. To have the WAS feel loss without direct impunity from the LBH. So what do so I do? More of what doesn't work so far? Everyone here is wondering why im flip flopping. I know I shouldn't have initiated or threatened to initiate the D process though.

IHCLACS, it seems to me that you have missed the point of DB.

Have you read Divorce Remedy?

For me, the core of Divorce Remedy is two things:

1. Your behavior has an effect on your relationship. You can improve your relationship by changing YOUR behavior.
2. If your relationship is not good, try doing 180s on behaviors and see which changes improve your relationship and which ones don't.

It's important with #2 to look for small changes, not a big reversal on your wife's decision to sell the house and separate. Big changes usually come after she sees consistent changes from you over time. Like, a lot of time. Even if your 180s have been perfect since January, it hasn't been enough time to balance out the years of the previous behavior.

When I read your posts, I still see a lot of references to your wife's issues. For example, from a post on the previous page where you respond to people calling you out for flip flopping, "However. She is a flip flopper too. She has changed her mind about exercising, bariatric surgery, and career choices over the last 4 months."

Focusing on her issues keeps you from focusing on yours.

It's not important what she has on her side of the street. You have more than enough on your side to keep you busy. Anytime you are tempted to write or think "but she . . . " that's a sign that you are taking the focus off you and putting it on her. You can only change you.