I am glad that I found this place and that gives me a lot of hope. I am a newcomer and here is my story.
Wife started affair in 12/2018 with a coworker. I was on a business trip at that time and when I returned in 01/2019, she told me that she did not love me anymore and wanted to separate. At that time she did not mention anything about the affair. I was so taken back by this and did all the "Don't do " things like begging and crying and pleading her to stay and work on our marriage. That pushed her further away. She told me that I have emotionally drained her and caused her to have low self esteem and she hates me for that and does not want to be in the relationship. I do take responsibility for my actions and agree that I was not perfect and ignored her and did not provide emotional support, affection or validation. I asked her at that time if there was anyone else in her life and she declined.
Over next few weeks (around end of 01/19), I found out that she was in an affair with her coworker through messages on her phone, but I did not say anything or confront her. As Sandi2 has mentioned in other posts, I could swear that she will never ever be in an affair and she also used to condemn people who did that. Now, she has become a tremendous liar and lies about everything. She is ignoring our daughter and not spending time with her. After the affair started, they started working remotely and she would leave home saying that she was going to office and went to OMs place ( he is divorced) and they worked from there. She was so mentally checked out from outer world and just focussing on her affair and that led to her losing her job (for which she also blamed me that I caused her so much stress that she could not focus on her job)
She does not have a job right now and is living with me in our apartment, but still leaves home some days and goes to OMs place and comes back around 10 in the night. As per 180 rule, i do not ask her anything and just focus on myself and my daughter.
She mentioned that she has taken an apartment nearby and will be moving there by end of next week and has said that we will have our daughter's custody 50/50. (No legal separation).
She still thinks that I do not know about the affair and I am not sure if I should confront her or not. I think, if i will confront her, she may feel relieved and file for divorce immediately. So not sure, wht is the best option.
I really want to save my MR and want my family together, but seeing her become a different person and how she is hostile against everything, I don't see much hope.
Would like to have your opinion and guidance. Cadet, Sandi2...
Thanks, Vik
-------------------------------------------------- m and ww in 30s - D4 - m 10 yrs, t16 - BD 01/19, confirm ea and pa
