Thank you for the kind and empathic words. Unfathomable is a very apt description of our wives behaviours.
At first I just couldn’t believe what she had done, threw away everything and everyone. Then I healed some more and it got worse and better - I do believe what she’s done and doing. A simple statement with much meaning.
It is quite possible that W is hoarding the kids for preferential treatment and a better settlement. Some (most ?) MLCers will use the kids to their own benefit, the crisis is all about them after all. She has stated she is seeking 75/25 split. You cannot reason with her, or expect her to see how a 50/50 is better. She will dig her heals in very deep.
If I recall you have a mediation meeting in about three weeks. That should be very telling.
Have you seen a lawyer about what you can do right now? What you can force right now? What your rights are, and what you can reasonable expect to happen?
I think you have. You could, should, have another sessions and explain your W’s latest rearranging of the schedule and your desire for 50/50. See if you have any solid immediate recourse. Remember this is just information, you need not necessarily follow it.
To my limited knowledge, the kids are both her’s and your’s. You do not have to bring them back to her any more than she has to for you. Neither of you has primary custody rights. You are being a good person and she is taking advantage.
Now that may just be a good thing, she might just be more willing to negotiate. That is usually better than the court ordered default settlement. In the beginning MLCers are more generous than later on, as a general rule.
You already have seen just how unbelievable she has behaved. Her values and what she values are irrational and messed up. A lot of crisis people do not really want the responsibility of children (mine certainly didn’t). Keep an open mind, a shut mouth, and let her lead herself and you to what she truly is after. It could be she is willing to settle for less time with the kids for more immediate access to funds. I don’t know, she might not know either. However, if she proposes something and you like it, those are the negotiations that she would agree to, she will be less agreeable to any you propose. This takes a certain finesse to get her to lead you along. You could end up with 75/25 in your favour.
Figure out what you are truly after, and what you can let go of, and what you can settle with. This why those initial meetings with a lawyer are so important, they set the stage in your mind of what your willing to do and what you will fight for. There is a lot to accept with all of this. This is probably the biggest decision of your life, do not take it, or make it, lightly.
DnJ
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
