(((HAZY))) So sorry you have been through this. I know what it is like to be in your shoes. My H left me emotionally almost five years ago and effectively kept me on the back burner by lying about what he was doing. And I wanted so badly to believe that the issues with us were temporary and due to outside circumstances (my intuition knew differently but I ignored it) that I allowed myself to be gaslighted for years. No longer. He is living with his latest affair (I’m sure there have been others) and we are just finalizing all of the financials for our divorce. After that, I will be as free as a bird.
I NEVER thought I would feel this way in a million years. I was a mess when everything came to light and I realized how much I had been used and lied to. It was really, really hard not to blame myself for a lot of it and to take his behaviour personally. At the end of the day, I know I played a part in the breakdown of our marriage but he sealed the deal with his behaviour, his cheating and his pathological lying. The bottom line is that once I REALLY understood that, realized that, in actuality, I had been living without him for years and faced my fears (the usual ones... being alone, having no one to love me, financial troubles, etc...), my outlook shifted dramatically. I am much, much, much happier than I have been in a very long time. My STBXH is no longer the first thing I think about in the morning or the last thing I think about before I go to bed. In fact, I barely think about him at all except for when I have to communicate with him about the kids. And when I do, I am pleasant and friendly because I feel that way now. What he does and who he is with does not affect me at all anymore. I am dating and meeting lots of new people and for the first time in a long time, I am laughing a lot, having fun and loving my life!!!
You can do this Hazy!!! You can let go of the past, see your H for who he is, forgive yourself for your contribution (and him for his if that helps) and then you can let him go!!! Time and distance will help you. I promise. Keep your focus on you. Get out in the world. Have hope for a better future that YOU get to create. That’s EXCITING!!! Get excited!!! I know that has helped me immeasurably... to not know what the future holds but to know it will definitely be better than the past I am leaving behind. And I know it will be because I still have all the important things (my kids, my health, my home, my self respect) and because I will make sure it is!! You have that power too!!
So...that was the DV6 version of a pep talk from someone who has been in your shoes. You can do this. A better future awaits, I PROMISE you!!! (((HUGS)))
