So I don’t know if this counts as the BD but this is what happened:
Yes that's consistent with a WAS's behavior.
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A few weeks ago she was leaving for work and I went to give her a kiss which I haven’t been doing much lately.
Avoid physical contact. She doesn't want that right now and may even be repulsed by it. It's a very common mistake to try and double down on affection after BD, but that's the worst time to do it. No kissing or physical touch unless she initiates. No "I love you". That's pressure and right now she wants zero pressure.
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I am the one who is always fixing stuff around the house and fixing the cars so I felt like I needed to do something to fix the situation.
Yes that's a guy thing, and you've got to let go of that. You fix it by not fixing it. You fix it by giving her time and space and working on yourself.
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I told her I was really trying to change (I know this is a big no no now) and if she get different.
Quite right, don't TELL her, SHOW her. And don't expect immediate results. It takes a lot of time.
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She said she saw that I was trying and that no she didn’t feel different.
She's being honest. You can't expect her to change her mind in days or even weeks and maybe not even months.
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I have been doing many things different such as hair cut, clean shave. Not playing any video games. Getting up early. Being far more involved in child care. Been far more involved in pulling my weight in house work. I bought the 5 live language book and am reading it.
That all sounds great!
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I feel that there have already been some positive changes in the R.
Don't misinterpret that though. When you effectively remove all pressure then things do improve, but many LBS's make the mistake of thinking it means everything is better and they initiate a R talk only to get BD'd all over again. HER FEELINGS HAVE NOT CHANGED. They won't for quite some time. It's like turning a cruise ship around, it takes a lot of time and patience.
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I have been trying to compliment her more which is her love language. I have had mixed results. At first she wouldn’t even respond but yesterday I did get a thanks.
Like Steve said, try to find non-sexual ways to fill her love languages. If her LL is WoA then when she does mom stuff then compliment her on it, or if she talks about something she did at work then give her praise for it.
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And when will I know that she is ready to reconnect?
She'll let you know. But you'll have to let go of her first. That's the hard part.
