I didn't heed your advice. We had another discussion that started off bad and I backtracked big time and spoke about us, OM, BFF, everything yesterday morning. We spoke for 3 hours. Neither of us ended up going to work. It was a very emotional discussion on both of us...a lot of tissues were used. It ended up being a really good discussions, as we let out our feelings, discussed everything. No yelling or screaming has occurred since she moved out. She even mentioned that she has noticed some change in me in just talking to her and communicating with her (one of my 180s). After the 3 hour discussion, I told her I was going upstairs (we were in basement), and I just laid down.
I went down to get my son some lunch since he was home sick and then I went and checked on her..spoke for a couple minutes and then went back upstairs to lay down. Still exhausted, depressed, etc from that discussion.
After an hour (she had left to go back to neighbors house), I started my workout to relieve some stress. Knock on the door of my bedroom and it was her. She sat down and said she wants to see if we can work it out between her and I. She said that she became close with the OM and she will have to slowly move away from him by lessening her talks with him.
I told her my condition and she knows she can't move in until it is 100% over with him. She is worried that she will not have feelings for me. She said she felt nothing as we held hands earlier. She then asked me to snuggle with her. I did. We just laid there and just held each other. The first interaction with her like that in over two months. We ended up kissing a little too but I wouldn't let or try to go any further. I am still guarded.
I don't know what she means by feelings but if she is comparing 17 years of being with someone to a new puppy love stage of a guy she just met, the feelings are totally different in my opinion. Luckily i Have an IC appointment today to talk a lot of this out. I would love to hear your opinion. I know she is still looking at apartments for 6 month because i told her we need to take it really really slow. Become friends first, before husband and wife again. I told her we need to crawl before we walk. So maybe that is why she is considering an apartment to still give it time since i said I want to take it extremely slow. I am not sure. I am lost. I am going to try and do what i have been doing of detaching and focusing on me. This is emotionally exhausting.
I don't know if it was a tactic or not...so I am unsure...
We had another discussion that started off bad and I backtracked big time and spoke about us, OM, BFF, everything yesterday morning. We spoke for 3 hours. Neither of us ended up going to work. It was a very emotional discussion on both of us...a lot of tissues were used. It ended up being a really good discussions, as we let out our feelings, discussed everything. No yelling or screaming has occurred since she moved out. She even mentioned that she has noticed some change in me in just talking to her and communicating with her (one of my 180s). After the 3 hour discussion, I told her I was going upstairs (we were in basement), and I just laid down. 