This is so sad to read , but in time I know things will get better for you . It’s hard not to take it personally, but he is lost at the moment. Read the lighthouse post . The job overseas, well I would be surprised if that pans out . Time to focus on you and the kids and show what a caring happy family looks like . It will be hard , but step by step ( with the odd stumble) you can do it .
This is so sad to read , but in time I know things will get better for you . It’s hard not to take it personally, but he is lost at the moment. Read the lighthouse post . The job overseas, well I would be surprised if that pans out . Time to focus on you and the kids and show what a caring happy family looks like . It will be hard , but step by step ( with the odd stumble) you can do it .
I have a coworker that that when through a crisis with her husband and keeps telling me to not take it personally and to realize that right now he is not himself because he is "mentally ill". While I can empathize, I can't justify his actions.
When I said he is taking a job overseas, I meant that he requested to be transferred overseas and his company confirmed that they have openings. He already travels a lot in his current position, but this is totally different.
Yesterday my h contacted me and let me know he is taking a job overseas. My children and I will be staying behind. I can't believe he is willing to move to another country and be away from our children.
I'm sure it's a shock to you, but I've been here a while and read more sitches than I can count and that doesn't surprise me one bit. Right now he's feeling a lot of pressure and he's trying to escape from it however he can, and what better way than to simply leave the country? He's trying to run away from his problems. If he does indeed move, eventually he will discover that the problems are inside him. "Wherever you go, there you are."
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My S just turned 1 and has barely spent any time with his dad. My daughter is devastated. Her dad was everything for her, he was her best friend. How can someone change so drastically and not care about anything or anyone other than themselves?
Hopefully some day these situations can be recognized, addressed and treated. Right now this area is basically still in the dark ages of modern medicine. We don't know why it happens, doctors don't know, therapists don't know. It is more than likely a mental condition of some sort that makes people change from loving parents and spouses to foreign aliens, but currently professionals just treat it like it's a natural choice rather than a medical condition. Hopefully some day there will be better understanding. But until then, all you can do is DB and hope he changes back some day. It does happen.
It's been a couple of months since I last wrote, but a lot has happened. My H came home from his work trip and has been staying at a "friends" house. He know has lots of friends and goes on trips and adventures with them. He has never been like this. It's quite upsetting since he has never wanted to do these things us. He is being so selfish and careless. All my daughter does is ask for him, and I look like the bad guy because he shows up whenever is convenient for him and I have to tell him that he can't do that.I have expressed to him that I too have a life; I have a full time job and go to school, and of course I am a mom of a 1 y/o and 8 y/o. He does absolutely nothing for the children and he blames me for it. Honestly, I'm still detaching but it's hard when I have to deal with him even if it's just for the children. I try to not argue with him in front of my D, but sometimes I just can't with his stupidity and selfishness ... I know this is my fault too, but I am so hurt, for me and my children. Every time I see my daughter sad my heart breaks. I'm going back to IC and also taking my D back to therapy. On top of this, my H is moving to another country in a few months. My D knows this too, but hasn't asked any questions about it. I wish I didn't have to deal with him, but unfortunately I have. Has anyone dealt with this? I really need advice...
(((Madaju))) Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to force your H to change his behaviour or plans. He's going to do what he's going to do. All you can do is manage your own thoughts, feelings and behaviour and try to get to a place of detachment and acceptance that your MR is over...at least for now. It completely s*cks what he is doing to your D as she will most likely think he is leaving because of something she did or didn't do. That's how kids are. Everything that happens is about them. Just keep reinforcing to her that none of this is her fault and that her daddy still really loves her but has to leave for work purposes. I know that's not exactly the reality but at her age, it's all she really needs to know at this point. If this turns into a permanent move, you can cross that bridge when you get there. For now, though, you really need to focus on you. Returning to therapy is a great idea. Ramp up your GAL activities too and reach out to friends and family. Try to spend more time with other adults and start living your life as if he is already gone. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and fake it until you make it. I know how awful this is Madaju. I felt the same way when my STBXH moved out. It was beyond painful. But the pain does not last if you do not dwell on it. I promise that it does get better with time. (((HUGS)))
