FS - your H's anger reminds me a lot of mine, back when we lived together. I don't have that so much any more, but I don't know if that's because he's got past it (unlikely - it's only been four months and he hasn't done any IC or much self reflection as far as I am aware) or just because we're not ever in the circumstances where he's displeased by how I've stacked the dishwasher or how clean the kids' rooms were, etc. I asked him - many times - what the real issue was underneath all the criticism and nit-picking, and it was always some version of my fault - but in the end I think he was angry because he didn't feel like he mattered. Now, the man had a point and there were lots of things I could have and should have done, and that I want to do, to help him know that he matters to me. But I also need to promise myself I will never live with the daily drip drip drip of his anger and criticism ever again. It was unbearably toxic. I'm still on red-alert when it comes to his anger (as you've noticed in my thread) and I suppose my own experience is why I pick up on your H's anger so easily. My IC said that under anger is almost always blame, and blame is a way of making sure that the other person has to change and you can carry on doing exactly what you were doing.
I wonder if more boundaries are needed. If he's left and he's decided he isn't coming back, then perhaps he needs to be in the house less, and he's responsible for taking care of the girls at his own place, or taking them out. It sounds like he has the best of both worlds at the moment. If you considered the marriage over, how would your day to day life and interactions be different?
