Hi FS. Just getting caught up on our sitch. So glad you got a counsellor for D12. Even though a counsellor can’t “fix” what is ailing her, sometimes having a neutral person to talk to is all a kid needs. I have one kid who I see every week who doesn’t really have much in the way of mental health problems but she comes from a family that always seems in turmoil for one reason or another. When she comes in, she reports to me how her week went and if something is bothering her, she tells me about it and I help her put it into perspective and problem solve. If you had asked me, I would have said that I really don’t do a whole lot with her. However, her mom (who has a reputation for being difficult) left me a message on my voicemail telling me that her appointment with me is the highlight of her week and when she comes home after talking to me, it is like 100 pounds has been lifted off her shoulders. Hopefully it will do the same thing for your daughter.
Reading your account of your interactions with your H is kinda hard to read sometimes FS. I’m not sure what is going to shake your H out of his inertia. I really feel like that as long as you keep doing what you are doing, he is just going to keep doing what he is doing. I know that you are standing and I really admire your resolve in a lot of ways. And...I also know that we only read what you choose to tell us so our picture may not be accurate. I have to say it though... you deserve sooooo much better... you really do. You deserve to have some happiness in your life and to be with someone who appreciates all of your great qualities. Is that your H? It’ s not right now...was he that way before? IDK how you do it, TBH... living in limbo. I know you are awesome at GAL activities and have found some level of happiness in your day-to-day life but your H just seems to be ever present and keeping you from really investing in this new life of yours. What do you think would happen if you truly let him go or enforced some boundaries... i.e. a legal separation agreement, pushing the house sale, etc... something that tells him you are truly moving on...with or without him. Would it break his inertia?
IDK about dating and seeing what is out there wouldn’t suit you. I think it would if you truly made the decision to do it. But it definitely wouldn’t if you weren’t sure it was something you wanted to do. I know it has made a HUGE difference for me. Not because I found a “replacement” for my H or because I’ve fallen “in love”... I haven’t done either of those things... but because it has reminded me that there are a lot of great people out there and that I am someone who deserves to have someone great in my life... and I deserved better than what my STBXH was willing or able to give...for whatever reason. When someone treats you poorly and emotionally abandons you instead of trying to work it out with you, do the reasons even really matter? Anyway...I know that I will eventually find that person and I am hopeful that, given what I know now, I will not repeat the mistakes that I did with my STBXH. I will listen to my gut...I will not sacrifice my conscience for my heart or vice versa. I know your path is not necessarily the same as me FS but I do need to tell you that I think tif you decide to test the waters and meet other guys (and you get to decide who and how and when), It will help you move forward...not necessarily move on... but move forward towards whatever life has in store for you.
