Hit by the dreaded ILYBNILWY part 2

[mikeyb]

One of the wise poster set a great boundary. I am sure it is the boundary threads. Might look it up if interested.

Paraphrased:

When you leave your dirty dishes laying around the house like an animal.....
If you continue, I will put them in your bedroom....

R2C. Dishes cleanup has been my biggest sticking point with W since beginning. I tried that dishes boundary about leaving them in the bedroom if she didn't clean up her mess about 5 years ago. Didn't fly well. Was deemed punitive, vindictive, and I stopped doing that. I would intentionally leave the dishes, or her laundry on her side of the bed, or couch so she would be forced to deal with them. Now I just don't clean her messes any more. Now Ironicly she deals with them a little bit more, but doesn't put them away. Just leaves in dish drain. You cannot control other people, but you can definately set boundaries.

Yea, I don't think that would work very well. She isn't at the house. Besides when she feels like stopping by. Since the EA was discovered she's only been here like 3 times. And I'm trying to keep a clean house, something that we didn't do so well together during our marriage. (Not like it was a disaster, but we were just never in a rush to do dishes, etc. Would put them off a day) Well since this all began I've 180'd that, everyday I'm tidying up. Sink stays empty, my bed gets made, counters wiped if they need, when I get laundry done, it's folded and put away right after coming out of the dryer. And doing all this has made me feel great. So anyway putting the dishes in her room they could sit there for a week, maybe 2, and if she does come by, there's no guarantee she's going to even do anything about it besides leave it.

I plan to tell her she can't just come by unannounced anymore. Yea she may be paying rent, but she's not living here. Just her stuff is here. She took the car so she doesn't need to come by and swap vehicles. If she wants to do laundry she'll need to tell me her intentions first. And I'll decide if she can come by or not. After all she is only paying rent, no other bills so basically she's paying for storage of her stuff, why increase my electric and water bill for her convenience. She can go to the laundromat.