Yail - it was on both of our insistence. She has been missing a lot of school (tummy aches, headaches) and for some time has been silent and withdrawn. When this happened last year, my H didn't want to hear about it. But even he can now see there are problems, although not yet willing to accept his part in those problems. One of the reasons I am keen on her seeing a counsellor is she has no outlet for her emotions. She doesn't journal and she doesn't talk to her friends about us separating. It has been over a year and she has only told one friend and that was fairly recently. She didn't tell her friend how she felt about it, just told her matter of factly (the friend told her mum who told me). She has a strong sense of what a family is (she gets that from her dad) and him moving out shattered that. She is grieving and doesn't know how to deal with it. I forget that I am not the only one whose heart was broken.
Alison - I am methodical because I am writing. Writing helps me to process and makes me look at the reasons as opposed to the actions. Also, because it comes out structured and rational, doesn't mean I am not a hot mess on the inside. There are times when it takes every fiber of self control not to scream "just [censored] off", or to fall in a heap at his feet and beg him to come back. I am the girl who goes into the toilet, cries silently in front of the mirror, wipes away the tears and walks out like nothing happened. But I am getting better. Things that use to throw me in a spin no longer do. Journaling helps with that - it forces you to look at the why, not just he did this, and then I did that blah blah blah.
The anger is mostly because he has not done the work. He was depressed when he left and thought leaving would resolve that. It hasn't brought him the happiness he sought (which is why he is always here and always with the firls) because the unhappiness is internal. Also, much like our house, he still feels some 'ownership' over me, and the more I take control, the more 'angry' he becomes. He can't deal with this (because he left and he knows I can now do wtf I like) so he finds other things to be angry about (the lost football shorts, my not cleaning the bird poo of my car fast enough, not picking up the dog poo etc) or punish me (taking the dog away, saying "I'm NOT driving you to the station anymore").
Grace - I've been following a long with you too. Trust is a weird thing. When I caught my H out on a date I thought I would never forgive him and even if he wanted to come back, I could never trust him again. After thinking about (and again, mine was not the only heart broken when we split up) he was lonely, sad and thinking dating would take the pain away - dating should be what he is doing because that's what people do when they separate. I have thought the same a thousand times. Join a dating site, see what the world has to offer, your marriage is over. But, it wouldn't suit me. And it doesn't suit him. I am not saying my H and your H are the same. Only you know your H and his motivations and only you know what you will put up with.
Having said all that, in all honesty, I don't know if I could trust him ever again. Not with the seeing other people. He is not and has never been a 'player'. But I don't know if I could trust him not to hurt me again. I guess I will cross that bridge when I get to it.
