It looks like you're acting impulsively because you're afraid. The fear is awful, isn't it? I think you need to cultivate patience and more patience and more patience. Doing that is as hard as dealing with the fear, I think.
If you're not 100% certain you want a D you should not be talking about it, certainly not out of a place of fear and impatience. Think ahead a few years and consider whether you will kick yourself for not waiting a little longer. Trust takes time to work on, it will take both of you but you have to be willing to consider that it's possible, and sometimes you will have to trust based on limited evidence. Don't say 'I can never trust again' because you don't know that, you're talking with your emotions there.
You are still in full on victim mode (I know, I still fall into it every few days I'd say, so I recognise it when I see it!) Talk to your W about the house sale, share your doubts with her because then at least you'll have made your position clear. Don't bully or threaten her into not selling. You are trying to control her out of fear, it won't work. It [censored] to feel like you have no power, I know. But you do have power here, don't misuse it by threatening D.
You really need to continue with counselling, some counsellors will reduce fees if there is financial hardship. But you clearly have a LOT to work on. Keep up with it, keep reading lots of books and listening to podcasts and watching videos on how to make yourself a better person. It's so so hard but you need to be the best person you can be, for yourself not just for your M.
