Ok I read Sandi's article on pieceing which gave me a very full perspective of how two people can possibly get past trust issues, different POV, etc, how to address needs, and not assume how another person is feeling, taking the threat of D off the table, etc. Although i am headed in the opposite direction as of now. There is something else I would like to mention. The other night I mentioned to W. That being ignored, all the silence for the last 6 months, and my efforts to be positive, upbeat, and not complaining. I felt as though I was trying trying trying, going back and forth between giving space, and making friendly neutral gestures and that the silence was killing me. I felt that to me it was a form of mental abuse. Although I feel as though her perspective of past is exaggerated, she feels I have been emotionally abusive. Her POV of not having convo, was that it was just taking space, and declared we are Seperated in IHS. But she never has an issue with inviting me to social affairs, or us hanging out outside the home, going for walks, dinners, movies, drive in, etc. We are both sending mixed signals I think, and have way different POV, although somewhat discussed, not explored. But just validated.
I need to really broaden my thinking of the process from BD to R and not focus so much on everyone's newcomer sich, as maybe its just reinforcing my struggle of current such, and im only seeing the forest for the trees. Perhaps I need to broaden such whether I R or not. At this moment, I still can't get past trust of selling home however. I think need both M counciling and DBT counciling to really open up my mind. Sadly I will be losing my wife's mental health benefits over as a result of her quitting her job over the next couple of months and my benefits stink as far as mental health coverage, which I can't afford. Maybe I can work something out though? I'm probably going to have to drop counciling all together and figure this out on my own without any guidance other then DB and self determination.
I am really at a conflict with myself over our different trust issues, and different reasons.