Whirlwind of Hurt 7

[Twofeet]

Hello Again18 and thank you for checking in on me.

My XW has been temp checking me. I have always had strong boundaries in my life with everyone, but my XW. It is something that I am and will be continually working at. IC and books have been helping me with this issue. Granted XW doesn't flagrantly violate my boundaries, rather she just prods or slightly penetrates them through old habits or because she wants to and is temp checking. She often mentions how I am guarded with her, and I just validate her feeling and move on. Of course I am guarded, she is not my W anymore.

I can tell when she is at home and either bored or lonely. She sends me text messages about the kids or pictures of the kids. She knows I will not respond to anything, but the kids, scheduling, or finances. Scheduling or finances, or illness are the only things I initiate conversations with her about and that is via text or email. The only time I call her is usually because the kids want or have a need to talk to her on the phone. While she uses the kids as a topic to engage in convos with me, I keep it brief and non-personal. There are times when I can tell she is out and about because if the kids need something from her they will call on either my phone or D8's watch phone and XW will not respond or will call or text me at late hours such as midnight, to which I don't respond.

I think she was a wreck with her finances, but it sounds like her parents bailed her out again. She had been 3.5 month late paying her portion of school tuition and they finally slapped us with late fees. I told her she needs to get things figured out and take care of the late fee. She also owed me for her portion of the kids insurance, dance school, etc. etc. I thought about burning a bridge and going to her parents, but I decided against it. They are not my parents anymore and we have a really good relationship. You don't go to your friends and tell them how to raise or take care of their kids, unless they ask for your advice. I just let that one work itself out and it sounds like she went to them. They gave her one of their cars, I think they bought her car from her and they gave her money. I know this because X-MIL watches the kids for me on the days I have them and they don't have school, ie spring break. She alluded something like this to me.

Last week XW had a health scare. She had been sick, then she had a migraine for 2 days. She called me while I was having dinner with my sister. I don't normally answer the phone unless she requests time to talk via text, but my gut was saying answer it. She wanted to know if I was home and could possibly take the kids if she wasn't feeling better. She had a migraine and her right arm was numb and tingling. I let her know I was close by (sis lives less than 5 min from XW) and I could pick them up after dinner if she wasn't improving. Well an hour later she calls me in a panic because her entire right side of her body, head, arm and leg had gone numb and she was feeling tingling in her hand and foot. Her Dad was on his was to take her to the ED and I needed to pick up the kids. When I got there her dad was +20 min away and she looked bad. Clammy, pale, sunken eyes, she was having difficulty moving around. I wasn't sure if this was her migraine or if this was a potential stroke or heart attack. Her parents were calling me about the time I arrived at her house and I told them what I was seeing. I told her dad just to meet me at the hospital. XW protested, but I told her she didn't have a choice and I loaded her in my truck with the kids and we took her to the ED. I dropped her off and her Dad would be with her once he arrived. She later text me that night that she was going to be ok and was referred to a neurologist for her migraine issues. I didn't poke or prod her for more info, which is an old habit of mine wrt to XW. I just let her know I appreciated her getting back to me and that while I felt sorry about her migraine I was glad to hear she was going to be okay.

A couple things things stuck out to me about this whole event On the drive to the hospital she broke down in tears and was sobbing. She also made a lewd comment about a bad driver in front of us. She said why is he driving so sh!tty is he getting a blowjob or something? I snapped at her for that because she said it out loud in front of our kids. SMH, this kind of vulgarity started up after BD. The next day after school the kids were concerned about XW so that evening they called her and she wasn't answering. Kids being kids they kept calling her from D8 watch phone and she finally answered. I was very loud and hard for them to hear XW. She said she was at a coffee shop, but between the loudness and her talking like she was intoxicated I think she was at the bar. It started to alarm the kids and I think she noticed so she said she had to go.

She was at a plateau, but has been losing weight again. I think she looks great, and I wish this was something she would have done during our MR. However, knowing her, she isn't working out and its not a lifestyle thing with a proper healthy diet. She just loses weight by not eating. Anyway on our face to face exchanges I just try to be careful to mask my emotions so I don't give off that wolf whistle look. Part of it is her (and who I thought she was not who is currently is) and part is probably just my lack of physical intimacy with a woman since the end of August. A good sex life and intimacy to no sex life, going cold turkey, has left its own void.

That is a lot of talking about her. I know there is more, but that is just some of the key things. I have some work things that need to be addressed so I will post about how the kids and I are doing later.