Mr. Blue Sky

[kml]

Pinn , sounds like you have a lot to offer the right woman. It's ok to emphasize highly educated and financially secure in an online dating profile, without getting into too many specifics.

It's hard for short men, and you're probably right, you may have a better chance with women who meet you organically in real life. I've mostly dated average to tall (to very tall) men but have known two very short men that I found attractive. Both were about 5'3", fit, highly intelligent (one was a grad student in physics teaching my sailing class, one is a documentary filmmaker). Both were confident and comfortable in their own skin and that was attractive.

[TBSakaJ9]

P - My XW is 5'4 and her BF of over a year is 5'6 and I am 6'2. I understand your concern but there are women out there were height is not an issue especially with women that a shorter.

[pinn]

Thanks guys. I know they are out there but with online dating they have all those filters so I'll just get filtered out. I actually never thought my height was that big of an issue until.... well now. I am also in a fairly rural area. Meh... maybe when I move maybe it'll pick it up... who knows. whatev's in the meantime I guess.

[DonH]

Why would you at least not meet your friends, GF's friend? Simply because she was in a 10 year R that didn't work out? It's not like she cheated - is it? She didn't bail too quick - if anything stuck it out too long. Why not at least meet? You asked if it was weird not to meet? Not sure if it's weird but a touch odd.

[TBSakaJ9]

I agree with DH.....the dr was married for 10 years and was the one who ended it with her xh. Essentially they grew apart however he also lost his job, didnt make any attempts to find a new one, didnt contribute around the house coupled with ed issues. It sounds like since she was a dr making a lot of money he just mailed it in. According to her she could have been a more loving, supportive wife, caring etc.

I just wouldn't write her off. It could be a easy way to get back on there again

[Dawn70]

I also agree with Don and J9...unless there is some part of the story that you are leaving out here (for whatever reason), I'm not sure why you wouldn't meet the lady. The way you phrased made me think that maybe she is really fresh out of this new relationship in which case I could understand the hesitancy, but that may just be my own interpretation of what you wrote. Our friends know us and they usually have our best interests at heart, so this might end up being a lady that can help you ease back into the dating pool and you might even grow fond of her. Or you could meet and find out you have 0 chemistry, but you don't know unless you try.

As far as your height, I wanted to say something about that too. I'm tall (5'11") so I do have a preference for tall men, because I like to be with someone who is taller than me so as to feel "protected" for lack of a better word. However, when I was OLD, I never filtered out short guys because short has nothing to do with personality and guys can't change their height. That is just a card they were dealt that they have to play. It doesn't determine who the person is though. My point is, the "right" women won't care of you are 5'6" or 10'6". If it makes you feel any better, I have found that men don't prefer tall women. I hear tall men say all the time how they prefer real tiny short women (5'3", 5'4"), so I get it. I just don't think OLD is conducive to people who care more about personality then looks because men and women both tend to be overly-picky on most dating sites. I'm not saying people shouldn't be picky, but if a guy is smart, funny, and polite, I wouldn't care if he was shorter than me. In the grand scheme of life, height is not of huge importance but heart is. I hope you find a nice lady out there who likes you just for who you are.

[JujuB]

I have limited experience with OLD and dating in general.

OLD is certainly different then how we used to connect with someone cause it’s not about getting to know someone or seeing someone every day and developing an attraction or crush. There is an initial selection criteria which can certainly be limiting. There’s almost an unspoken caste system to it. Like, I know that at 40 I will be able to go for a successful good looking man over 50 or a successful guy with low to average looks my age or a guy that has bad luck/undesirable/inexperienced with women or is just looking for someone to sleep with at a younger age. I don’t take it personally. I know it’s the way of the world.

You can sometimes get a sense for their personality in what or how they write, but the majority of people write very generic descriptions - which says a lot in its own way. It’s a numbers game and you can’t take it seriously I think.

I don’t really know how else to meet someone though with a young child and limited time. It would be more of a waste of my limited time going to a bar at the off chance I’m gonna meet someone that is my age and looking for a relationship. So I kind of view OLD as a necessary evil.

If you have undesirable traits, like height I think you have to over compensate with a great profile that sets you apart and reveal all the very desirable traits - like your success or a great personality in order to get attention. And you could make a bigger effort when responding to a girl that you like. Make sure she knows you read her stuff. Put the effort that other guys aren’t putting in and it will increase your chance.

Are you ok dating a taller girl? Some don’t mind or view it as a big deal. Also, do you yourself have very strict criteria on your profile? Like there’s nothing more annoying then the person that complains about someone else’s grammar and spelling yet makes spelling mistakes throughout their profile. I hate seeing hypocrisy on the OLD profiles. It’s a red flag.

[Dawn70]

Are you ok dating a taller girl? Some don’t mind or view it as a big deal. Also, do you yourself have very strict criteria on your profile? Like there’s nothing more annoying then the person that complains about someone else’s grammar and spelling yet makes spelling mistakes throughout their profile. I hate seeing hypocrisy on the OLD profiles. It’s a red flag.

TOTALLY agree with Juju about hypocrisy on OLD profiles. It is definitely a red flag. I got so tired of men who would have VERY specific (and typically rather lengthy) lists of characteristics they were looking for in a woman: model good looks, at least a C cup, certain height, blond, tan, educated, lady in the streets and freak in the sheets type, and of course, those dudes usually follow up with something about "no fat chicks". They describe these societal ideals of beauty (which, by the way, is totally fine, if that is what you are into....that isn't my point), but then when you see a pic of them, they are typically fairly unattractive even by the most broad societal generalizations, they are either unemployed or underemployed or have any of a number of other issues (baby mama drama, drugs and/or alcohol addictions, sleep around a lot) and these guys are the ones who get all high and mighty about how they are just perfect but they get passed over, but it is just fine and dandy for them to have a very specific list of traits and look over any woman who doesn't check off every single box. Talk about red flags waving high! Yet another reason I am SO glad I found Sparky.

[TBSakaJ9]

Lol...every time you say the name Sparky D it makes me laugh because all I think about is Clark Griswald

[Dawn70]

Lol...every time you say the name Sparky D it makes me laugh because all I think about is Clark Griswald

He is kind of Clark Griswold-esque in some ways. I honestly have to stop myself from calling him Sparky to his face sometimes. And, then that makes me laugh and certainly makes me seem like a crazy person.