I did talk to W the evening that I found the deleted emails. Again the history with my W...has felt neglected her whole life, was sent away from home to train to be a competitive athlete in her teens where she was sexually abused. Has always had self esteem problems due to coaches and mother stressing appearance for her training. And her parents have always been hands off with her, and way different than how I was raised.
What does all of that^^^^^^^ have to do with her breaking NC to OM? To me, it sounds as if she uses this history of poor self esteem as the overall crutch. As long as she can excuse her actions, she won't accept responsibility.
I just want you to understand that you have to be like an overseer while she's going through withdrawals, And, she hasn't really started that process until she tells OM the A has ended. The past three or four weeks have been wasted, as for as any withdrawals are concerned. Why? B/c that last email kept the EA alive for her, so she is set back at square one.
You don't have to check her messages every day, but I suggest you look several times per week. If she can make the emotional break from her XH, then hopefully, she'll make progress. Once she gets through the withdrawals. maybe she'll be more willing to see a therapist.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
