MLC husband- 2

[HaWho]

Hi Kate - I had a live-in for years. It was a long slog. In hindsight I wish he had left earlier. I know that may sound cold and not compassionate but the longer he stayed the more stuck he seemed. It was hard to watch.

Mine too had a traumatic childhood and was clearly stunted emotionally. He struggled with aging/death and said all the typical MLC stuff: he needed to find himself, be free, etc. He also thought every 20 year old wanted him and that was cringe worthy to watch. His childhood was much more traumatic than I ever knew.

He projected his unhappiness on to me. It took me too long to see that. Mine did not spew either. But he turned into a teen who would throw his dishes into the trash if I asked him to wash them. He was full on rebellious. It was something to behold.

This is in motion for him and no one can stop it. It will take him years to grow up; like watching a teen. I have a 15 year old now and my ex overlapped so much with the same behaviors when he lived here.

Protect your finances. This one you will not like, but I wish I had done it. Meet with a few lawyers for free consults to learn what you are entitled to in your state. Had I divorced mine years ago, I would have had more financial support. I Sri ll received a lot because I was just building my career after staying home but I now know now he had seen a lawyer and was encouraging me to re-build my career and waited so he could pay less support. They are often sneaky and not trustworthy. It is a chess game. See some lawyers. It may make sense to protect yourself now and you can still work on the marriage under this protection. If you are up for a promotion and he makes more, this will mean less support for you.

I am here to tell you, your kids can be okay through all this. Hug them, spend lots of time with them and help them grow up to meet their emotional benchmarks.

Know there is nothing you can do to fix this for him. You did not cause it and you cannot remedy it.