So there are a few things I need to reflect on here today looking for patterns or answers. I know there are a lot of different answers for a lot of different reasons, experiences, etc, on here.
Although I know the answer because of the wonderful insight on here from its members. I would still like to explore it more however.
Why is it that the mindset of the WAW after initiating BD, or months after, some look at the LBH as a "good friend" that has enriched their lives for however long we were married to them? (Possibly attraction?) But still want to separate. Why is it that when they feel the need to go independent of M if they are not WW, pursue new growth, new lifestyles, new hobbies, social activities, health habits, places to live, new careers, etc.. I get that. I understand individuals need growth in an R, or separate from R. People need to groth together if they are together.
What bewilders me is how they initiative torwards that change, but lack follow through. Its like they are in such a hurry to sell M home, (or claim it in buy out) get independant, and move forward with their lives, put in all that work to live independently to reclaim their so called happiness, sence of self, and purpose in life, etc. All that work and effort being put into to separation, imagine what could be accomplished if they worked that hard, not only on themselves, but the M or the relationship, that they claimed they were working so hard on for years, but by themselves, that hardly ever got brought to the LBH's attention. The WAW just sat around, did their own thing, took no accountability of themselves and what they were doing for the R, and expected their LBH to live up to their expectations, that the WAW couldn't even fulfil in themselves? I know men and women's perceptions can be vastly different.
But then they still lack follow through on that change in the present. (No backup career lined up, but aspirations No place to live, but plans for such, will live out of vacation home of MIL, or friends basement if necessary, wants to quit job and rely on income of sale of M home to supplement income for year, and stay home with S1, and work from home.) Sorry but im not ready to make that decision yet without exploring my own buyout options, attorney, possibilities, etc. And made myself politely clear on that, whether it works with W's timeline or not. I'm not holding her hostage, but I'm not going to be pressured either.
Another thing. Why is it that they have no problem having no accountability to LBH of their social lives somewhat a secret (no affairs as of date), but still want LBH involved in most family and social affairs with their friends? (Cake eating) Is it because of co parenting and remaining amicable? And she also has no problem hanging out with me and S1 if invited. We have a good time when we are out with S1.
She still wants to remain in touch with my mom and family as well, but is asking me if I'm ok with it. I just respond, "You are and individual and so is my mom. I think my mom would like that and its totally up to you."
It just amazes me how grounded they think they are in reality in fulfilling their grand master plan torwards Independence and freedom. Don't get me wrong, i hope my W does get to fulfil her ambitions on her journey after we separate, i wish her well. But I still think reality is going to smack her hard in the face, when she finally gets there, and isn't going to be as cracked up as she thinks its going to be once she does, she says she has mentally prepared herself for it, I think she is only scratching the surface.
In my opinion as pretty much everyone says on here. I am most likely her plan b in case she fails at whatever she wants to do with her life. I'll be her friend, but once that ship has sailed, it has sailed for me. I won't be plan b. I almost wish I could fast forward into a new independent life myself. New apartment. New lifestyle, etc, without having to go through all the pain and turmoil, and breeches of trust from selling the M home. That's a big one for me. I have decided I can never trust her again as far as living with her because of such, which is pushing me torwards initiating D, but im not ready to make that decision today.
